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You’ve Been Cheated On-Now What?

In Culture, Family, Friends, Relationships on May 29, 2012 at 3:54 pm

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For some of us, being cheated on by a significant other describes an episode in every relationship we’ve ever had. This can be a physical act of cheating or emotional cheating which I feel are both bad, the latter maybe more so than the former. For the few who have never been cheated on (or at least aren’t aware of it having happened) fear this event and wish to avoid it at all costs. Being that this topic is often at the top of many conversations as of late in my friendship circles, I thought I’d share a few things with you all that will hopefully help you cope in a healthy manner if you are experiencing it, or ease the paranoia for those who have not.

1. It happened. No, really. It happened. There are few that are lucky enough to have a visual aid of their mate cheating (i.e. walking in on them, seeing emails or texts and pictures, etc.) while others may learn by hearsay. Visual aids give you less ability to doubt what happened. Do not be in denial about what you saw. The phrase “It’s not what it looks like!” makes me giggle. It’s exactly what it looks like. You’re not an idiot. Accept that it has occurred and begin your healing process.

2. If you’ve never been cheated on or have been and you fear being cheated on again the worst thing to do is obsess about this event taking place. Don’t play out scenarios in your head, search through your mate’s phone in hopes to find dirt, or randomly accuse them of cheating with no evidence. You’ll only look crazier than you already are. Besides, if the person makes you that paranoid then you should leave the relationship and work on your issues with yourself before entering into a new relationship or reuniting. Emotional baggage is real! Stop carrying it everywhere you go.

3. It isn’t your fault. You were cheated on and somehow you decide to dissect yourself and not your cheating mate. You may feel that you didn’t do something enough, or look a certain way, or acted a certain way and that led the person to tip out on you. Nope! Not true. When people are emotionally mature and they address the issues that they are having with their mate and they attempt to solve it, not sleep with someone else to cover up their “pain.”

4. Embrace your feelings. Are you sad? Do you feel that all of your time, love, and effort have gone to waste? Or are you happy because you wanted a way out of the relationship and your idiot mate served it to you on a platter? Either way, embrace your feelings. Look to your friends and family for comfort and support if needed.

5. Don’t publicize the issue. You’re feeling some type of way and you’re willing to share it with the world. Try not to. It can lead you to confuse your true feelings about the situation because you have so many different sources giving you unsolicited advice. If you do need to vent, do just that but be careful who you vent to.

6. There’s no definitive time for you to get over it. You may feel better about it in a day, a week. A few months. To be even more honest, you may actually never get over it but the pain will subside in time, I promise. The important part is to not let the situation cripple your ability to trust others. Because in the end you’ll only be punishing yourself and isolating yourself from meeting great people. Besides that, being bitter is very unattractive.

7. Whether or not you choose to be with your mate after infidelity should be solely YOUR choice. Whatever you decide to do please be wise about your decision and be honest with yourself about your feelings. Know that it is possible for a couple to bounce back from infidelity and live a happy and healthy relationship. Nevertheless, your mental and emotional health is paramount. Not to mention your physical health, which can be compromised if your mate cheats on you with someone who is not the most forthcoming with their “status” (I work in healthcare so I see this happen nearly every day).

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